Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
