sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
