It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
