How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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