can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
