I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
