I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so much tequila, so little girl.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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