she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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