Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why do cheetos always look like penises
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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