Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
