Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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