I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
