Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
