He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
