WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
