I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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