My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
