What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
