Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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