My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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