It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
