Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
