i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
