Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
