whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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