I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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