I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
