It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
