So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
