Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
