Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
