Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
