I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
