i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
