Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
