Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
