He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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