I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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