Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
