You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
