Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
