I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
