The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
