I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
