I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They are going to name an STD after you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
