We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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