I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
