Where is the hickey?
Say something about gay babies.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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