i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
