There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
