his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
