I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
