Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i think im in europe. pls send help
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
