By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
