A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
